you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
