I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Watching her eat just hurts me
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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