I'm gonna have a badass scar
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize