Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
29 Frat Parties That Got Way Too Out Of Control
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.