The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
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Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
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All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.