My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
