She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I need a beard to bite.
Randomize
