i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
