So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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