guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
