Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
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