trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Randomize