ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
