I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
