You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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