Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
