Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Randomize
