She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Randomize
