sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
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