on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
