I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
