you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
