After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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