You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
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he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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