Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
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I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
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I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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