I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Randomize