Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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