ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
