Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
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