AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
