Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
