What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
