Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
