Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
