he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I have surprise drugs for everyone
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
