I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
