hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
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