can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
