Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I'm passing your future prison.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
