Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
