I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
did i walk over a car last night?
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Randomize
