I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
