think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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