I'm going to jail i love you
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
