At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
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