i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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