i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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