He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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