Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
she peed on how many people?
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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