my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
