i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
