Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize