Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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