I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Randomize
