Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
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