Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I said "one day" and that day is not today
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
