Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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