Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
