new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Randomize
