I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
