I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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