WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
