I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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