as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
