Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
porn star boner night. come get it.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
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