There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
i think i scared a bird with my dick
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
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