You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
