Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Randomize
