Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
