Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
there is puke in my bra ... again
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