someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
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