I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
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