I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
