She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
