i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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